Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Being a Mom

*I wrote this post last night but forgot to publish it* :)

Today has been one of "those" days.  I have struggled with loving my kids today.  I mean, of course I love them, but I've just had a hard time showing it.  I've had a lot going on lately and have been stressing myself out to be the perfect mom and it's having a negative affect on my patience.

Our average day goes something like this...
Sadie wakes up, I make my coffee then Maddie and I go up to get her up.
Girls play in Sadie's room for a few minutes while I sip my coffee and enjoy watching them get along.
Bring the girls downstairs, decide what's for breakfast.
Girls eat their breakfast while I make my breakfast, pack a lunch for Maddie (if needed)
Clean up from breakfast (I'm usually eating my breakfast while cleaning theirs up)
Let the girls play for a while while I take my shower
8:45 get the girls upstairs to start getting dressed for the day
9:00 come downstairs and turn on the tv for the girls.  They usually watch either Doc McStuffins or Imagination Movers.  I finish up last minute lunch stuff, or get Maddie's backpack ready or finalize my shopping list if Sadie and I are heading out for shopping
9:20-ish we head out the door to drop Maddie off at school.  (Maddie finally let me start dropping her off in car line so this process is much shorter)
9:45-ish Sadie and I get home.  We try to do our preschool lesson of the day if we're in the mood for it.  If not, we do a puzzle or read a book, or Sadie gives me a "check up", just something to give her a little one-on-one attention.
11:00 Sadie eats her lunch
11:30 Sadie watches Barney
12:00 Sadie goes down for her nap
12:00-1:30 (some days, longer on some days, shorter on other days) I go up at regular intervals to put Sadie back in bed for her nap.  This is a new habit that is driving me crazy...
During this time I'm trying to eat my lunch, clean up the kitchen from lunch, work on laundry, do a chore around the house, work on a project (like Sadie's Halloween costume), etc.
After I do something productive I feel like I can relax.  I watch a show that I have on the DVR or try to get in a quick nap.
2:10-2:15 it's time to go pick Maddie up from school.  We have to get there early to avoid waiting in the middle of the road to get into the parking lot...but we end up waiting until they start bringing the kids out at 2:25-2:30 anyway.  During this time Sadie looks at some books and I work on a crocheting project.
2:45-ish we're home from school and the girls want a snack.  While I'm preparing a snack, Maddie wants to show me what she's brought home from school and Sadie wants me to hold her (usually because she procrastinated on going to sleep so I had to wake her up to get Maddie so now she's cranky...)
3:00 try to breathe.  I try to give the girls attention and focus only on them while we have our snack.  I let Maddie tell me about the exciting things that happened at school that day or anything she wants to talk about.
tv comes back on (Doc McStuffins, Imagination Movers or a DVD)
I start working on dinner.  If I can do some prep work earlier in the day, I try to get it done so this time of day isn't so busy.
3:45 Eric calls to tell me he's on the interstate on his way home.  Asks if I need anything from the grocery store and lets me know if he has any planned stops on the way home.
4:15 Eric gets home (most days).  By this time I'm ready to pass the girls off to him and call it a day!  HA!!
5:00, or soon after we have dinner
Eric usually does the kitchen clean up after dinner.  I use this time to try to relax a little, but the girls are running around like crazy screaming their heads off or putting on a "show" of some sort.
6:30 we generally start our bedtime routine.  Thank God we don't give our kids baths every night...that would just put me over the edge!
7:30 most nights the girls are in bed and the night belongs to the grown ups...
We watch tv or I work on a project (like Sadie's Halloween costume, or making plans for our upcoming road trip, or making Christmas plans, or just browsing Pinterest)
8:30 Eric's in bed (and usually asleep).  If I'm in bed by then, I'm watching tv.  If I'm not in bed, I'm watching tv in the livingroom.  I usually like to stay up to watch the 10:00 news...I feel like it's my only window to what's going on in the outside world!

Of course this is just a rough draft.  Some days we have outings and play dates, some days we stay in our pjs and snuggle on the couch longer than usual.  Some days I let the girls fend for themselves so I can catch up on laundry or house cleaning.  Even though that always backfires on me!  Someone always needs something.  Maddie's getting pretty self-sufficient in most things by now but Sadie's getting to the age where she wants to be self sufficient but can't quite do it all...

Today was just a day that I didn't have the energy to take on all the things that the day required.  I did manage to grill a yummy dinner...even if Eric only had a pork chops with a side of another pork chop, he didn't complain :)  Other than that I don't feel like I accomplished much.  I tried to nap but Sadie had other plans...Maybe tomorrow?  Well, I won't plan on it because it could lead to disappointment :)

Tomorrow I will put less expectations on myself and really try to enjoy my girls.  I really do love them to pieces and I want them to have memories of a loving, caring mom who did things with them. I want them to remember reading books at the breakfast table, mommy sitting on the floor helping with puzzles, mommy stopping whatever she's doing to see the latest and greatest masterpiece they've drawn.  I also want to remember these times.  I don't want to wish their childhood away and look back in 15 years wondering what we did when they were my babies.  I've already seen them grow so much, without me really noticing because I was too busy.  I don't want to miss out on more memories!  One day they'll be grown and out of the house and I will wish I had taken more time loving my girls and less time trying to be "perfect".

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